July 4, 2014: Her Last Birthday

My Mom's birthday has always been a grand affair. On July 4, 1946, Joseph and Leona Karsas had a little baby girl, Patricia Marie. Eleven years later on July 4, 1957 my twin uncles Michael and Darrell were born. All three children born on Independence Day. It was exciting enough to have one child born on a holiday but all three? That was something surely to be celebrated. They were even featured on the cover of The South Bend Tribune Magazine in 1961.

And celebrate they did. My Mom used to tell me that when she was young she really thought the fireworks were for her. "Look Patty!" her parents would say, "The fireworks, they're for your birthday!" After her brothers were born she of course had to share her famous birthday with them and while maybe she resented this as a child, it soon turned into a coming home event. It was and still is our family's greatest tradition. It is our biggest holiday. All except for one year where it wasn't possible they have always celebrated together...56 birthdays together. 

It was a big deal. For as far back as my memory goes we would usually celebrate at my grandparent's home in South Bend, IN. We would have a 6 foot sub sandwich from Subway and of course cake. One year we even had 3 cakes because they couldn't agree on a flavor. For many years we would have a family baseball game. It was serious business. I vividly remember being probably 7 or 8 years old and being run over at home plate by one of my uncles. 

After my grandfather died and my grandma moved into a retirement village, my Mom and her brothers began trading who hosted the holiday. As my cousins and I have become adults our homes have been added to the rotation. 

Last year my Mom's birthday landed soon after she had finished her second round of chemo. Sean and his family had flown in from California for the event. Although we hoped not, we knew with the dismal prognosis of her cancer this would likely be her last birthday. I distinctly remember picking out a birthday card for her last year and realizing this would likely be the last birthday card I ever bought my Mom. How could I ever pick the perfect card? How do you pick out a birthday card for your Mom knowing it is going to be her last? What do you say?

I awoke that morning to a text from her. Pat Sexton would be the first to celebrate her birthday. 

My Mom loved her birthday. Birthdays were to be celebrated, no matter what your age or circumstance. She made a huge deal out of each of my brother and I's birthdays. I still can't not be excited about my birthday. 

She decided to ride down to my cousin's house with Sean and Teal thank goodness because she had declined my offer to come and pick her up. She could drive she told me me. She arrived absolutely decked out. She had even decorated her cane. You can't really tell in this picture but my skirt and tank top are navy blue. We had went to Macy's the week or so before and she had purchased her red pants and that skirt for me. It was very unusual for my mother to buy me clothes anymore, but she had been paying for most things lately.

It was a wonderful day, beautiful outside. The children were able to play outside and there was lots of great food inside. When it came time to open presents my Mom remarked that maybe she would host next year. There was some silence and she said, "This isn't my last birthday! I WILL be here next year!" She said it with such confidence we believed her. 

My Uncle Darrell put together a really thoughtful gift. He'd compiled as many of the pictures he could of the three of them on their birthday and put it together in an album with the year listed beside it. 

Per the usual tradition they gathered around the cake for the annual photo op as we all snapped picture after picture.

We sang Happy Birthday and then they blew out the candles.

My friend Kristina captured us singing Happy Birthday to them on video. I can't tell you what an incredible gift it is to have this precious moment in time captured. 

It was a very rare event that the entire family was together for the birthday as we're spread from California to Washington D. C. but we were all there. 

As the evening wore on my Mom became more tired, she was hurting, she was beginning to not feel well. But it was a wonderful birthday and she was happy. I can honestly say that I think that was the last really good day my Mom had. The last day she really felt well. She had outdone herself that day in true Patricia Sexton fashion and she was in incredible pain the following few days. Her birthday was the peak in her cancer journey and from there unfortunately it went downhill. But we had her birthday and it was a beautiful day.

A month or so ago while looking through my Mom's things I found another calendar...a daily calendar she used in addition to her wall calendar. This is what she wrote on her birthday.

If you're still reading this, please pray for myself and my brothers Sean and Ryan today. Pray for our whole family. We miss our Mom, her brothers miss their sister, and today her absence will be profoundly felt.