On Wednesday September 3, 2014 my Mom and I had an appointment in the afternoon to return to the lawyer to sign all the documents including the power of attorney, living will, and papers to apply for Medicaid. Lydia had a minor surgical procedure that morning so the plan was for Spencer to go pick her up and bring her to Noblesville.
The evening before I received a call from her that I missed and she had left a voicemail. The voicemail said:
"Hi Danielle, when you get a chance will you give me a call because I'm totally confused as to whether today is Tuesday the 2nd or Wednesday the 3rd and talking to someone from church has confused me more. So...thanks honey, buhbye."
That is the last voicemail I have saved from my mother.
I called her back and told her today was Tuesday September 2nd. I told her the plan for the next day was for me to go with Lydia to her surgery and Spencer would pick her up and bring her back to Noblesville and then we would go to the lawyer. She asked if it was really necessary to go to the lawyer the next day and I said yes it was. She said she didn't want to go and I just said, "Ok." I figured the next day when she was feeling better, less confused, and more collected she would be willing to go to the lawyer.
I texted her back and said, "I know it's all confusing and overwhelming. Call me back if you need to vent. I love you."
The next morning I took Lydia to her surgery. We had to be there very early at 5:15 AM and the procedure was scheduled for 6:15. Her procedure went well and we went back home. I texted her as we were heading back about 7 AM that Spencer was going to pick her up about noon. She texted me back and said, "No, I'm not going."
I sighed. I couldn't force her to go, but this was a really important appointment. Why wouldn't she go? I just needed her to sign papers, important papers. I stewed downstairs when Spencer came down and he said he'd just gotten off the phone with my Mom. He had tried to convince her to go but she wouldn't. She had told him her house was just a mess and she couldn't leave. So he offered to drive to Muncie to help her out. I knew her house wasn't a mess, it was never a mess, even if she was deathly ill should would still keep her house clean even if it took every last bit of strength she had. However, I really appreciated Spencer volunteering to go. I knew Spencer would be a calming presence to her, a fresh face, a break for both my Mom and I.
He came home later and said of course her house wasn't a mess, but he helped her pick up some things, do her laundry, and vacuum. She slept out on the couch as she had done since she moved in the apartment. Carly had brought her a bedside commode about a week or so before so she wouldn't have to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Instead of waiting for her friends to come and empty it, she would drag it back to the bathroom. I didn't understand how she was doing this with her walker and her only response was that it took her time but she got it done. She refused to have a commode left out in her living room. That day she had left it out and Spencer emptied it and encouraged her to just leave it out in the living room. No one was going to think less of her. I think after that she obliged and left it out. He said she had not unpacked her bags from our weekend trip which was also unusual for my mom. He asked her why and he said her response was "In case I need to go somewhere."
I am forever grateful Spencer went to Muncie that day to help her. The fact he called her and went on his own volition meant a lot to me. She expressed that evening how grateful she was for him coming and that he made her feel so much better.
We never did make it to the lawyer and she never unpacked those bags.
16 days left
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