After Mom passed away, Meeks called me that afternoon to set up a time to meet with them to discuss her arrangements. We decided my brothers and I would meet them the next day, Saturday afternoon September 20, 2014. Sean and family were already at Mom's apartment in Muncie, and we drove up from Noblesville and Ryan drove down from Roanoke. Aunt Pat had arrived in town too that day. When we got to Muncie we dropped the kids off at Mom's apartment and Ryan, Sean, and I left for Meeks while Aunt Pat, Teal, and Spencer watched the children. I cannot tell you the last time I was in the same vehicle with both of my brothers. But there we were, traveling together in our hometown to finalize Mom's arrangements.
We arrived at Meeks and met my friend's husband. He helped us go through the details of what needed to be done. We had to give him information in order for them to fill out the death certificate. I had to text Uncle Darrell because they needed the spelling of Mom's mom's maiden name...Grzegorek. He gave me the information for the obituary, it was decided I would write it. On the sheet of paper Mom had listed with ideas for her final arrangements she had listed either cremation or an inexpensive casket. She underlined inexpensive. She said she wanted the cheapest package possible. We decided to go with cremation because she had mentioned wanting her ashes scattered in Lake Michigan if she was cremated. A step up from just basic cremation was a package that included a private family viewing. I'm not sure my brothers and I needed this, but I did it for her brothers, especially for Uncle Darrell. I felt he would want to see her one more time. My friend's husband then led us to the room with urns to choose from. Since we were planning to spread her ashes he suggested one of the biodegradable urns. There were only 3 or 4 of them. One was an American flag picture, I believe one was flowers, and one was a water and sunset scene...we chose that one. It reminded us of Lake Michigan.
As they had instructed I had brought her clothes for the viewing. I chose a green knit top I knew she loved and looked beautiful in. I remembered she had worn it to Amelia's 2nd birthday party just 6 months prior....she had been well then, or we thought, she had helped me so much with that party.
I picked out a skirt to match, a hat, her glasses, a pair of earrings, the same necklace she's wearing in that picture, her Mom's engagement ring and the butterfly ring I had given her.
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The next day we drove back to Muncie to meet everyone at Meeks for Mom's viewing. It was Spencer, Amelia, Lydia, and I, Carly and Ryan, Sean, Teal, Liam, and Noey, Uncle Darrell and Aunt Janet, Uncle Michael and Tammy, and Aunt Pat. My cousin Jason and his wife Alyssa were coming but they were running a little late. We all went up to the room to see Mom. It was so incredibly odd to see her laying there in a makeshift casket. She did not look like herself. Her make up was all wrong, her nails were painted, her lips were in a firm line. I know it is what it is and I don't blame anyone, what could I really expect, but it was hard to look at her. It did not look like my Mom. I was glad then that we had decided not to do a public viewing. She wouldn't have been happy with the way she looked. I touched her hand and moved quickly on.
I went on and talked to other family members. I have no idea about what. My cousin Jason and Alyssa soon came. Alyssa looked absolutely devastated, I could tell she had been crying...hard. I hugged her but didn't speak to her much. I don't know if I was worried about upsetting her more or maybe I did it out of self preservation. I wasn't ready to cry like that, but it moved me deeply as it did anyone who shed tears over my mother that people had such an extraordinary love for her. I had coffee with her a few months ago and she told me what upset her the most was that she had never been able to give her one last hug. The last time she had seen her was July 4th at the birthday party. Alyssa and Jason had hosted and she felt she only quickly hugged my Mom goodbye. She really just wanted one last good hug.
I continued on talking to other family members. The kids were running around and we let them pretty much, it was nice to have the whole room to ourselves without worrying about keeping things composed and forcing children to be in line.
I looked back to Mom and saw her brother Darrell kneeling beside her and talking to her. This touched me deeply as well. Her brothers had such a great love for her and him kneeling on the floor beside her was such a moving expression of this. He talked to her for some time, I don't know about what.
He later mentioned to me the idea that if we were to spread her ashes maybe we could do it over the next July 4th for their birthdays up in St. Joe. I had not thought of this and thought it was wonderful idea. We did not do it this last July 4th...the first birthday without her, it was too hard...but hopefully we can do it in 2016.
When it was over everyone left. Aunt Pat and I lagged behind so I could ask them to make leaflets or whatever they're called for her memorial. I had forgotten about this but Aunt Pat reminded me so we picked them out together. Before we left they gave us her jewelry and her hat back, we donated her glasses. For some reason I thought we would get her clothes back but then I realized that didn't make any sense.
We went back to the apartment and we had a party of sorts with appetizers and wine that Sean and Teal had purchased.
I went home that night and typed out her obituary. It was not hard, it only took me maybe 10 minutes. The words came to me easily. It was simple, but I felt captured who she was. It was published in the Muncie Star Press Tuesday September 23, 2014.
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