The first year Amelia was almost 2 months old, it was her first time meeting Aunt Pat.
The second year Amelia was about 14 months, she said her first word "kitty" on this trip.
We decided to cancel the trip. It's a 5 hour drive and Mom was too sick. We decided to spend the weekend at Ryan and Carly's in Roanoke instead. The weekend mostly all blurs together, but Mom, Amelia, and I got a hotel room in Fort Wayne.
I remember on the trip up asking her if she was tired of talking about cancer. It seemed all conversations revolved around the Big C (as my Mom called it) now. Even when conversations drifted away from this, the Big C still had its overwhelming presence every where we went. Everything was about cancer now.
Saturday evening, Carly brought Graison and Lucas over to swim in the hotel pool with Amelia. I remember when we got back to the room Mom was talking to Teal on the phone. She was happy. She was always in good spirits in the beginning.
On Sunday morning, Carly and I took the kids to a park. Mom stayed behind. In fact, she was still in bed when I left that morning. Whenever we went to hotels up until now Mom had always been the first one up. She never slept in. I remember putting pillows over my face to keep out the light so I could sleep. It was very unnerving to me to see my Mom still in bed after I got up. Reversing roles with your parent is extremely difficult as I'm sure many people can attest to. I asked her if she wanted anything for breakfast. She wanted tea and toast. That's what she mainly ate now. We went to the park while she rested some more. Apparently I only took pictures of Lucas.
We went to McDonald's afterwards picking up a fish sandwich for Mom. We picked up Mom and took her back to Ryan and Carly's. The rest of the day and on Monday the kids played outside. I'm not really sure why I have so few pictures.
On Memorial Day an old family friend Dr. Joe Songer called my Mom. He was a retired oncologist and now the medical director for Ball's hospice program. He very kindly called to give her whatever information she needed and answer any questions. She put me on the phone. He gave me a lot of information, I have trouble recollecting all he told me. I know he said small cell lung cancer usually travels to either the adrenal glands, bones, liver, or brain. Adrenal glands were best, liver and brain worse, Mom with her mets to bone was in the middle. He described the chemo drugs she would likely receive and kept referring to cycles. This was all new to me as I had little experience in cancer treatment. I wish I could recollect more of what we talked about. I wish I could've, but because Mom was standing there I didn't ask the hard questions. How bad do you really think this is? How long does she have? How will this change her?
We headed back home that evening. I believe it was this trip I broached some questions about what she would want for her final arrangements. She said, "Do we really need to talk about this now?" She didn't say it in an exasperated way but more that she didn't believe this was something she was going to have to worry about for a long time. I said I just wanted to know, it was good to know, everyone healthy or sick should have these conversations. She was silent for awhile before finally saying I think I want to be cremated, Gardens of Memory can handle arrangements, and I want It Is Well With My Soul played. She said that's all she could come up with right now.
Overall though, Mom did really well that weekend. It was a wonderful family weekend as she recorded on her calendar.
No comments:
Post a Comment