They then took her back to get ready for the procedure. I waited out in main hospital waiting room for what felt like forever. I finally nodded off to sleep when a woman came to get me to take me to her. I was taken back to the surgery waiting room. They told me it would be a while, so I went to go get something to eat...eggs, a biscuit, coffee. I got lost on the way back to the waiting room, but someone helped me find the way.
While I waited I texted some people, letting them know the status so far. I remember watching the news and two men had been killed on I-69, two construction workers. I remember thinking wow we just passed that area. They were alive when we drove by and now they're gone. They had families. Life is so short.
Dr. Mares came in not too long after. He took me back to the consultation area. He started talking and I realized I needed to be writing stuff down. He said it was looking like non small cell lung cancer. He said the left lower lobe of her lung was completely occluded and the upper lobe was partially occluded. He said she would need radiation soon. He said she may need chemotherapy too but he didn't believe she was strong enough to tolerate them both at the same time. He emphasized to me that while it might be possible for this cancer to go into remission it was not curable. He said no one we speak to should be using the word "cure." Some people might have taken that as harsh, but I appreciated it. I took it as a maybe a professional courtesy of an MD speaking to myself as an NP that he was telling me the non sugar coated truth. He finished by saying, "Your Mom has a hard road ahead of her." I nodded and expressed thanks for his time.
I went back to my seat and cried for maybe 30 seconds. I collected myself and then sent texts to various people...Ryan, Dad, my coworkers, a couple close friends...not Sean. It bothered me Sean didn't know anything that was going on, but I respected her wishes to not tell him yet. I talked to Carly on the phone.
After a while longer I was taken back to see her in recovery. She was sitting on the gurney and smiled. I sat down. I said, "Have they told you anything yet?" She said no. I said, "It's definitely cancer, they think it's non small cell and you will need radiation." Any hope she had that just maybe this wasn't cancer...maybe it was a giant pocket of infection...was gone. She nodded.
We chatted awhile, I don't remember about what. The nurse was beginning to worry because Mom's blood pressure wouldn't come up. Systolically it was running in the 70s and 80s. They gave her more IV fluids but no change. They gave her a Sprite to drink, no change. We had been there a long time, it was already in the afternoon. I was worried my phone was going to die and I was still on call. Finally they gave her a Pepsi and the caffeine seemed to do the trick. Her blood pressure went up.
I went to go out to the bathroom and saw Dr. Mares in the hall. He was running between patients but he said the pathologist was now thinking it was looking more like small cell lung cancer. I asked if he would be coming to talk to her before she left and he said he would. I went back to the room and updated Mom.
She was allowed to get up and get dressed. She sat next to me in a chair. We perused Better Homes and Gardens magazines. We looked at the delicious food, pretty houses, and flowers.
He finally came to talk to her. He bent down and very sincerely said "So like we talked about this is cancer." He said it was looking more like small cell at this time but we wouldn't know until the final pathology was back. He said if it was the treatment would be chemo. He said she would need an MRI of her brain and a PET scan to see if it had spread anywhere. Their office would set these tests up and let her know. They would refer her to an oncologist in Muncie. Dr. Mares gave me his cell phone number. He said to text or call at any time if we had any questions. What a great man.
I don't remember if it was then or at the appointment with him earlier in the week or maybe even after the bronchoscopy, but I got the impression he wanted it to be small cell lung cancer. This confused me. Small cell is the really bad one, why was he preferring that? I remembered small cell was the bad one because in school I remember thinking small cell would be the good one and non small cell would be bad. Small is better right? But no, it's the opposite. I never asked him, but I asked other colleagues. Apparently non small cell is better if the cancer can be surgically removed, but it does not respond well to chemo or radiation. Small cell responds really well to chemotherapy. Great huh? No. It gets really small and hides and then it comes back quickly bigger and badder than before. I know badder isn't really a word. It's vicious..but with chemotherapy it will back off for a moment...but only a moment. Of course the person has to survive chemo in the first place. The chemo does a great job of destroying the cancer, but it destroys the person too. That's what happened to Mom.
We left and drove back to Noblesville. We got Panera to go and ate at home. It was Mother's Day weekend.
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