It is interesting as I was trying to recollect this day that I realized some of my memories were off. I know that my friends Tori and Kristina were both there when my Mom visited but in texting with them asking details of what they remember, I realized my recollection of the day was not entirely accurate. For instance, I thought they were both already in the room when my Mom and Aunt Pat walked in, but they weren't. Although comparing Tori's and Kristina's recollections their details don't really match up either. It's details I suppose don't really matter but goes to show that I'm trying my best to remember things but it might not always be 100% accurate. To my credit, I had just had a baby, haha.
What I remember most about that day was how different my Mom was. She was on top of the world. Kristina recollects about my Mom, "She was happy. She was elated. She saw me in the hallway downstairs and I asked how she was. After we hugged she said, 'I'm just great. I feel wonderful. I'm ready to meet Lydia!' She saw me in the hallway and she had her cane but it wasn't touching the floor. She had her arms out wide to show how great she felt."
It was so strange. She had just had chemo. She wasn't supposed to feel great, she was supposed to be tired, weak, maybe nauseous, but she was not. I was lying in bed when she literally bounded in the room, dropping her cane along the way. The nurse looked surprised. I was shocked. What is going on with my Mother? What exactly did they give her at chemo? Aunt Pat walked in, I looked at her and she just looked at me like, "Don't ask me."
I was happy to see that Mom felt so good. I didn't want her to feel bad, but this was unnerving. I'd liken it to seeing a parent intoxicated, the disinhibition was unnatural.
It's interesting as I recollect talking to people who had spoken with her in those couple weeks after her first cycle of chemo. People thought she was hilarious, she sounded so good. It was talking to my brother Sean when he described it best, "She sounds good, a bit high, but good." That's exactly what it was, she was high off the medications. It turns out they had switched her Norco to long acting morphine as well as given her high doses of IV steroids with the chemo. The medications were causing her to act this way. They were masking her pain, masking the effects of the chemo. Coupled with the fact Pat Sexton didn't believe chemo would get her down she felt on top of the world. Chemo was a breeze I'm sure she thought.
During the visit she calmed down a bit, we were able to take some pictures I will always treasure.
It was a good visit. I was glad she felt so good. But I was a bit scared too, I was scared this was how my Mom was going to be from now on. She felt good, she was elated, on top of the world, but she wasn't acting like my Mom.
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